Aftercare and self-care

This is an important topic that comes up frequently in my work as a femdom.  It’s something that everyone who engages in fetish and/or BDSM play should know about.  In my sessions, I don’t stress these things, because I am only maternal with those who express the required desire and maturity, however I do want to highlight a few things about it.

One of the reasons that many of us engage in BDSM is because of the amazing rush that it give us, right? It’s so intense.  It’s so sexual.  It’s so edgy and forbidden.  It’s so bad.  >:)  But after the play is over, occasionally we may feel low.  There can be feelings of conflict, of self-doubt, of remorse, and a number of other unpleasant things.  Although this doesn’t happen to everyone, it’s perfectly natural and simply needs to be handled well.

After playing with someone who I think may have this experience, I generally tell them to be very good to themselves.  It may sound cheesy, but really, be good to yourself.  Here are some examples.  I’m using a bullet point, in an effort to be clear.  Mind you, these are all subject to personality type.  Change them to suit your needs.

• Do not talk down to yourself and if you do, engage it. Think about your inner dialogue and mediate it as if you were an expert in nonviolent communication.
• Eat, both healthy and delicious food.
• Put extra effort into avoiding toxic people and seeking out people who affirm you.
• Pay close attention to your body, and groom yourself for longer than usual or necessary, in a loving way.
• Understand that engaging in BDSM behavior is not always about getting off. You need to value this part of yourself.
• Make an extra effort to do things that are enjoyable to you.
• Also pay close attention to the needs of others, investing in good relationships

These things should get you through the rough period.  I’ve also noticed that frequently after-play is a great time for self reflection, which can also lead to all sorts of other growth experiences such as self-realization, greater emotional balance, stronger, more intimate relationships, etc.  I don’t see the need for this to be a big focus of play, though.  I think the fun and excitement are way better.  It may be a happy byproduct however, if one cares enough to take care.

Contact me if you’d like to experience my aftercare.  Aftercare lectures also available upon request.