My experience as a Mistress, fascinated by the human psyche.
Inquirer: “What do you like to do?”
Me, jokingly: “Inspire fear, devotion and blue balls.”
I get this question frequently and my response is generally the same.
Although the activities and the “doing” of S&M and kink are very nice, that’s not where I find the sparkly and juicy treasure.
In my experience of BDSM, assuming different roles: top, bottom, Mistress, sadist, masochist, mommy, etc. play has the ability to be and do many things within the context of an interpersonal experience. It can be mind-blowingly sexy, providing masturbation material for years to come. It can be light-hearted and fun, when sprinkled with moments of laughter. It can be serious and dark, engaging in ‘shameful’ or ‘perverse’ behavior. BDSM can also be deliciously devastating (I didn’t break your heart. I fixed it). Why does it feel so good to feel so badly sometimes?
I don’t care. It’s awesome. And oddly enough, it can bring the players to a deeper understanding of themselves, others and the world.
Playtime can include just one, or all of these things, changing from moment to moment. It can be very complex and dynamic. And it can also be so refreshingly simple. I love all of these elements in play and prioritize making room for as much of them as possible. Here are a few simple things that I do to make room for all of these experiences.
They Are as Follows
- I keep a laser focus in the moment. It’s true that I’m being visited for a reason. Generally speaking when someone contacts me, I ask for–and get–a list of things wished to explore, hard limits and preference of quality (nice Mistress, naughty Mistress, etc.). Within these boundaries exist two or more people capable of attaining a connection point around almost anything. Temptation and arousal, fear, challenge, uncertainty, pain, infatuation, mystery, openness, surrender, acceptance… you get the point. The list goes on and on.
Remaining focused and in the moment, as a top, we can detect the slightest movement, tone or gesture, that will indicate where our partner is in all of this. I find that things can change quickly, on this level, in a BDSM scene. Internal defenses are activated, whether you want them to be or not, memories of the body or mind begin to dance, and ours play off of each other. When I stay focused on my prey, my toy, myself and the connection between us, rather than my prescribed agenda, The dance can be art.
- I don’t push for one thing or another. Pushing past what is happening now will not get us to where we want to be. I’ve spent time with people who just want to cum, but are clearly in a different moment “trying to get there”. It doesn’t work and feels kind of gross. I’ve also spent some time with people who want enlightenment so badly they don’t even seem to remember that this is just about pleasure and cumming. Also kind of gross, in an existential sort of way. Now is a stepping stone, not an obstacle. If we want something out of our session (and the chemistry is right) we will get there.
- I’m happy to keep it simple when it is simple. Ease and simplicity are refreshing and gratifying. I need this in my play as much as anything.
- I allow myself to be authentic. It feels good to be authentic. It’s freeing. It gives others permission to do the same. And it allows us to find play partners that we are genuinely compatible with.
And So
Yes. BDSM is about sex (most of the time), and there is so much more that it has to offer at times. When done correctly, respectfully and openly. I love working as a Mistress. To be doing what I love for work. It turns me on and continuously invigorates me (I swear I can feel my eyes twinkling from the inside). It also excites me in other ways. It stimulates me intellectually and emotionally, it continuously challenges me and also opens me up to new experiences, new people and new fetishes.
In conclusion, I recommend that you play. Play openly and honestly with your partners. Play with me. Play with each other. Just do it because it’s the best.
If you have any questions, you can ask them in the comment section, on my Instagram account, or ask me privately here.
Art by efes from Pixabay.
Thank you for this creative piece. So reflective, sensual, practical and possible.
Katherine Dire:
After re-reading this great little piece of yours for the un-teenth time it suddenly occurred to me: though I have thanked you many times I have neglected to thank you for that which is most important to me.
You know me. You know the truest me in a way that no one else living or dead does. And still, you accepted me. I know at times it has been trying for you nonetheless; you accepted me. There is no way I know of to thank another person for that.
Thank you for your contribution, creature. Your devotion is thanks enough. It’s noted, accepted, and endears you to me more than you can know.
Your words triggered in me the emotions of actually being in-play with you. Your authenticity, your joy, your creativity make you the definitive psychosexual Mistress. Once experienced; how could a person live without it?
I had no idea that giving control to a woman (either in person or online) could be so erotic! I’ve never felt more turned on and excited since I started exploring this. I’ve had a chance to live out many fantasies with three women in my area who are predominantly doms. We’ve both been able to have the most intense orgasms of our lives. When one had me naked on my knees, in cuffs snd a collar, I jokingly referenced George Orwell by saying “slavery really is freedom!” I was teasing but that’s the way it feels sometimes. I want to learn more about mind control. Them controlling mine that is snd the benefits and downsides.
very interesting mistress
Hello mistress. Iv never been with a pro dom. As of yet. I have friends that try. But really do not know what they are doing all the feelings and emotions both mentally and physically that you talk about are so what I dream about being controlled and under your spell would be magnificent to me cumming is overrated Keeping one to the point of cumming and then denying it is powerful. Does that make any sense to you mistress.
Thank you, Andrew. Yes, I agree completely. 🙂
For me it’s all role play, mostly sub but sometimes Dom, can’t explain the moods, but being controlled, submissive, is exciting, Im still learning
Me too! I suspect I’ll be learning till I die.
I agree that the elements of challenge, fear, pain are turn ons. As for getting there, if i don’t know the intended destination i am free to enjoy the ride, hanging by my finger nails.
Thank you, Ian. Agreed. And so much fun for a top, leading her all-to willing victim into the oh-so hungry jaws of…?
Please meet me